i’m not much of a planner; especially when it comes to things that are way far off into the future.
one thing that has always been a major flaw with me is that i always do things without thinking about it first. in an ideal world, that spontaneity would make me some sassy free-spirited fun 21-year old. pffft i wish. in reality, it’s really a fine line that separates being spontaneous and thoughtless.
i do things in the spur of the moment – and at that moment am 100% sure of my decision -, and then a few days/weeks down the road i immediately regret it and think “what.on.earth.did.i.do!?!?!”.
but i digress.. the point was to illustrate how i’m not very much of a planner.
i used to marvel at how some girls knew exactly what they wanted out of life, what they were going to do a few weeks down the road – specifically the japanese girls and their obsession with filling in their organizers in perfect details -, and how their idea of what was perfect never wavered.
there are only very few things that i am completely sure of, and even after years since i last thought of it, nothing has changed.
first, that this has to be the song playing at my wedding when i walk down the aisle. i always hear of my friends saying it definitely has to be shania twain for them, or most recently it is “a thousand years”. for some reason though, the only song that has ever appealed to me is this:
there’s just..something about the song. it always has been, and always will be my idea of THE epitome of a romantic song.
and then at my funeral, this has to be read at my funeral. you’d think thinking of my death (wtf) when i’m 21 is super morbid, but this poem is absolutely beautiful.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
it’s the perfect way to go; simple, humbling and just.. beautiful.